ack

shit

So I sent away my application for the prison job last night. Now i play the waiting game. I'm pretty confident I'll at least get an interview, but I'm not sure whether I even *want* the job.

I've lived alone a long time now, 9 years. I love it. Now i'm moving to another city, living with my family again for a while, giving up my space, my privacy (even the sanctuary of your own room vanishes when there's a 10yr old in the house) and my freedom.

If I get this job as well, i'll lose the last of the life I have built for myself.

Trying to fit my entire life into as few boxes as possible and throwing out so very much is exhausting, but I still have a business to run and a life to live, and there aren't enough hours in the day lately to do all that and get more than a few hours sleep each night. The lack of sleep is taking its toll today

I know I will love being in Christchurch. It is a gorgeous city and having family around again will be incredible. My best friend is there, and it is only a few hours' drive from Dunedin where I used to live, so I can take a few weekend breaks down there as well.

There are really at least as many positives about this move as negatives or unknowns, but right now, it just feels like too much change to handle all at once

Screw this, I'm gonna go out tonight, drink way too much and sing my heart out!