good day today... long but good

I spent the morning with Mum, talked about what each of our expectations are when I move, had coffee and enjoyed the winter sunshine.

That was a huge relief... yesterday after I had seen her, I got home in full panic mode ,vented at full force to a friend (sorry again and thanks R, hugs), and drank what ended up being the best bottle of wine ive ever had. Eventually I found something to focus on and chilled out.

Today when I made it to my workroom, I started assessing why I freaked out and what was actually behind it.

I've done my time living with flatmates/housemates. Some were great, some were ummm... not so great... but for the past 9 years i've lived alone. I love it. Sure it gets lonely occasionally - but that's when you go out, go visiting, have guests... then get your own space back. My alone time has become very important to me.

When I go to Christchurch, for the first while i'll be staying with Mum, my brother and his daughter. That's a pretty serious compromise on my part "personal space"-wise, and it has scared me more than I knew.

I have also been trying to decide what I'll do for work when I get there, whether I'll continue my business or get a job. Well i thought about that a LOT today, and what I came up with is a plan that could work out really well.

I love what I do. The designing and dressmaking side of my business is fun but seasonal and not very dependable. The contract work though is good money. Last year I had a tough time but there were many reasons behind that. What I love the most is that I can schedule my own time. I can take time off in the day, sometimes take whole days off for no good reason, and work at night instead. In quieter months I can take vacations whenever I want, or in regualr months as long as I clear my workload before I go. If there's something I need (or usually just want) the business can get it for me... considering it is doing well enough

Last year was bad enough that I forgot how it was when it was good - it was really good. I travelled, bought my car and computer, travelled, shopped... all reasonably easily. I want that again

I want to continue the business. I want a workroom separate from home so that I can get away from the family when I want. I am about to present a proposal to one of my contracts to work remotely. It's a good proposal, hope they agree that it's the best option for all of us :)

So there's more thinking to do but right now I feel better. I feel like I can do this, that i want to do this. I had a momentary lapse of reason, but now I'm back to my positively weird self.

so, no more freak-outs... promise! ;)